Erik Ten Hag's Glorious Farewell?: Man City 1-2 Man United - Match Review
Man United pull off their best performance this season to win the FA Cup, preventing Man City from winning back-to-back doubles.
Well, well, well. I did call it: in my Everton match review I did say we’d win the FA Cup - never mind the snus! But honestly, when I sat in the Crown & Castle with my best friend and Arsenal fan Joe, I didn’t have any real expectations at all. To be honest, when I woke up, I didn’t have any FA Cup fever or nothing: much of the talk has been about our manager Erik Ten Hag’s future after what has been a dogshit season. No cap: this season has been diabolical - at times - in the literal sense.
Today was a day for us to finish the season strongly though. Winning the FA Cup would make Ten Hag’s Man Utd CV not bad at all despite the heavy criticism he’s been under: winning two trophies in two seasons with this current Man Utd team is no mean feat.
However, Pep Guardiola and Man City were looking to make even more history. They’ve won the Premier League for an unprecedented fourth time in a row, and they were looking to win back-to-back doubles. For all the financial fraudulence, the autism, and the bitchiness that characterises Guardiola’s side, they are genuinely one of the most successful and accomplished sides in English football history.
When the game kicked off, the pattern was clear: we’d play direct football whilst City tried to play their way through to our net. The first five minutes was all City: we did better than last year, since we didn’t concede within the first 13 seconds. Afterwards, we grew into the game: not gonna lie, starting with Lisandro Martinez and Raphael Varane was so refreshing - our attacking play was much more symmetrical, and our defence was far more resolute! I don’t agree with many Utd fans who say that Martinez should be sold because of his injury prone-ness: he’s a generational talent - there aren’t many great centre backs in world football left.
And somehow, against the run of play we took the lead. Our direct play coming in clutch with Diogo Dalot, our player of the season, hooking a high ball to the latino heat Alejandro Garnacho who gambles on Joško Gvardiol fumbling the bag, which he did - heading the ball past keeper Stefan Ortega - leaving Garnacho to tap in the ball into an empty net. 1-0, and I was gassed: the other people in the pub were loving my passion. Joe, not so much.
City were rattled by that. They were playing as if they were shy or discombobulated or suffering from Parkinson’s Disease: passes going astray, tackles not even attempted, second balls well beyond their reach. We had a goal disallowed: Garnacho again collecting a high ball and squaring it to Marcus Rashford, but being 2-0 up in six minutes would be too good to be true.
Yet we doubled our lead not too long after. It really was a stunning counter attack: after a City cross into the box broke down we broke on them, Bruno Fernandes, Kobbie Mainoo, Garnacho, Rashford all involved. From one box to another, Garnacho feeds the ball to Fernandes who brilliantly does a no-look pass to Mainoo who slots in our second, leaving Ortega an amputee with a finish that sent him the wrong way. 2-0: I was putting Joe in a headlock out of joy, telling him that Mainoo has a shout over Declan Rice to start in the England team. It turned out Mainoo - the truth - won us the cup with that goal.
Pep was crying on the sidelines: the creases on his forehead was trailing upwards. He really was losing his mind: the autist’s plan was foiling right before his eyes and he couldn’t handle it.
On the BBC coverage of the game, during halftime, I could Micah Richards trying his best to be analytical. Admittedly, I didn’t hear anything because the pub played music over the top of the match analysis at halftime (that I don’t necessarily disagree with), but I saw as he spoke more about the first half, the more frustrated he got: his limbs were moving all over the place. I could tell he just needed to let it out, he just needed to cry.
Tubby Rooney was with him, and he was calm to be fair, but I could tell he was very jolly in the inside. Our plan was working to perfection, and there was nothing the opposition could do about it.
Jeremy Doku came on in the second half, and it was clear Pep was throwing the kitchen sink. He was tweaking on the sidelines. Doku got involved fairly quickly: his trickery set up a chance for Erling Haaland who smashed the chance against the bar. City were being more themselves.
But Pep’s frustration was clear when he hooked off talisman Kevin De Bruyne after he delivered a hopeless cross into the box after a passage of play. He was getting mad.
Captain Kyle Walker was getting desperate. He was getting into fights with our players such as Martinez and he was lashing shots from thirty yards out or so, pulling great saves from Andre Onana.
Though, I must say this, Andy Madley - the referee - was a bitch. He was giving City soft free kick after soft free kick. I don’t know what Pep said to the ref at half-time but he was being a pussy with his decision making. I hated him.
Doku, the jack in the box, eventually pulled one back for City: Onana decided to be retarded again and let a strike in at his near post. For what it’s worth Doku deserved the goal: his introduction changed the game for the better for City.
But it wasn’t enough. After 97 minutes, the whistle blew, we won. Out of nowhere, we produced our best performance of the season. It sums us up to a Tee. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind if Ten Hag got another season with us because I don’t believe our shit form is down to his managerial decisions but rather down to our injuries and poor attitude on the pitch. What’s clear is that we have a real talented team who simply lack discipline, perseverance, and consistency.
We have a great core developing with Garnacho, Mainoo, and Rasmus Hojlund.We need defenders in the transfer market, and we need to build the team around Fernandes: I reckon he has the potential to be our Bryan Robson for this era of Man Utd.
But time will only tell. What I do know is that the players put in a performance that made up for the shambles of our semi-final match with Coventry. We did a great job in making Arsenal fans like my friend Joe depressed because we won a trophy in our worst season in the Premier League era whilst Arsenal are still trophy-less despite being title-contenders for 36 games. Today is a great day to be a Manchester United fan.